What Is Your Dirtiest Experience As An Adult?


I was in a very serious relationship. I loved him more than anyone could and was ready to die for him. I would earn for him and lie to my parents for him. Meet him secretly whenever I could.

I still remember the day when it all happened. It was his birthday and I had written a poem for him in a red paper which I had cut into a heart. I skipped college to go meet him and he came to pick me up with his friend. We drove almost 50 km away to his friend’s house. I gave him my letter and watched him read it in front of his friend and then casually throw it away while they both laughed at it. It hurt me deeply and I just sat waiting for us to do something. My boyfriend recieved a call and stood up going his way to the door. I followed him and was about to step out when he turned and asked me where I was coming. I said I’ll go wherever he plans to but he asked me to wait in the house and that he will come back soon. I trust him and so I agreed.

I went and sat on the sofa biding my time and his friend came and tried to talk to me. I was too hurt to maintain a conversation so I got up and told him I needed to leave. I called my boyfriend and he dint pick up. I called again and again with still no answer for him. I panicked and got up to leave. I reached the door to find it locked and the next scond blurred while I felt his friend’s arms enclosimg me within. I felt his breath so close to me as he lifted me like I weighed nothing and laughed. His laughter still rings in my ears.

I screamed and fought in vain while he continued laughing throughout. We were too far for anyone to help. He took me to the bedroom, threatened to kill me, slapped me, hit me and raped me. I lost my virginity this way.

He was still laughing when he was done. And I lay there.. bleeding.

The minute he went to the comfort room. I ran. I ran while my thighs were sticky with blood and all I could think of was that I needed to get away. Far away. I found a cab and went home. Both my parents worked so I was alone at home. I went and stood under the shower and watched the blood mix with water and go into the drain. Later I would know that my boyfriend literally sold my virginity to gain some money. I was sold by the person I trusted the most. I attempted suicide yet survived but something irrevocable had happened to me. I was broken beyond imagination. I became pregnant and had an abortion. This broke me even futher.

I wanted to forget the incident. So I got into a relationship soon after and had sex just so I could wash away the dirty feeling of being used. I wanted to feel loved but this guy cheated on me and I felt even more betrayed.

It took me two years to get back into a relationship again. But I just couldn’t be serious anymore. I had sex and left when I dint feel anything. This went on till I had been with 9 guys already.

Finally I went to get laid with a guy who never had sex. It was beautiful. He treated me as if I was fragile, taking his time with me, caressing my body, worshipping it. We got into a relationship because he wanted to and continued for a while. It took my some time but I told him about getting raped and he held me while I cried, making me believe that it wasn’t my fault. I felt ashamed to have had sex with so many other guys but never told him about it. We fell in love and it’s been two years since we are in a strong relationship. I truly love him and he loves me back. We will be getting married soon.

My darkest secret is not telling him how many guys I have been with before him. For him it has only been me and I’m so confused to whether I should tell him or should just let it go. Please advice.


Thank you so much for the love and support. I was 16 when this happened. I was in a relationship with my ex for 3 years. 19 when I was raped and had an abortion. I know I shouldn't have chosen the way I chose. It took me time to respect myself. I had betrayed my parents and friends and left alone. I was scared to tell anyone because of our society. I had a medical abortion, when I was two months pregnant. I self medicated and never went to a doctor. No one knew about this. It took me time to heal and I regret for everything I have done. I was truly alone and I just wanted to..forget. Everyone had distanced themselves because of all the lies I said for my ex. It took time for me to respect myself. It took time to heal.

I love my fiancé to no limits. Until him, I had never met a man I could love unconditionally and truly respect. Since we met, he has been always patient with me. He has his own dark corners and it took him time to trust me. We learn from eachother and I think I have become a much better person since I have been with him. I have decided to tell him the truth if he ever asks me until then I’m going to remain silent.

To those who commented me to see a therapist, thank you for understanding my situation. I know I need to see one before I get married and I will.

To those who asked why I dint raise my voice against my ex, I was young and they took photos of me and threatened to leak it if I ever spoke a work about this. I was too scared so I let it go and I regret that deeply. My ex had an accident few years later and broke his back and can barely run or walk fast now.

I am financially independent. After everything that happened I thought I wasn’t marriage material and so I secured myself financially. I am 26 now and working as a doctor in a reputable hospital. I also teach Physiology and Biochemistry in a medical school part time. I earn enough for my family and me. Luckily my fiancé is also a doctor so we are doing pretty well.

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